Twenteen: The year before twenty one when said ex-teenager is still in denial about growing up, use of the actual T-word it was derived from will incur wrath of said...ex...teenager.
So I'm turning twenty.
Applause, applause.
And you know what? It doesn't feel like it and I'm not sure if that's a good thing. I mean I'm supposed to stop being a teenager and miraculously become an adult over night. In theory but really I feel like I was when I turned double digits. Just a bit meh. My first thought is that I wish I had accomplished more up until now having once vowed to be a millionaire authoress at age 15... and then briefly the summer before UNI deciding to become an astronaut... But really its like I should be settle, I should know exactly where I want to go and what to do with my life. I should have a plan by now, and really all I have is a doodle on a napkin or the occasional 'life list' i do to make myself feel more grounded and less up in the air with worry.
And you know I'm not a kid anymore. Which Is kind of sad.
I wish my thoughts were more coherent than this but It is such a big deal, and then not. Like: Yes I'm turning twenty, yes I'm not a child anymore yes my life may change but at the same time its like, I don't feel different, Ill still be at uni, I'll still hang with my friends, but I'm done growing up.
I know you never really grow up, and you never stop learning blah blah but they say you are the person your are at twenty for the rest of your life, and I'm scared that I wont be able to change the things I don't like about myself. which is bull shit of course I can, but in away it already feels too late...
Bah, so I guess its time to stop feeling sorry for myself get off my ass and actually do something about it. I refuse to wallow!
K enough over share for now, Wish me a happy birthday! x
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